dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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