On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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