Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
