thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
God gave him joint rollers for hands
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
