my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
