Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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