2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Did we literally take a cab across the street
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Randomize
