I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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