I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
