I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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