if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
