I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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