people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
