Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I think I sprained my soul last night
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
