If i could tip my vagina, i would.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Dignity is for republicans.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
