I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
