Kiss
Puke
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I understand Curling. That high.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
