I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
