It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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