so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
