Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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