Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
