i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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