I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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