My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I got inside last night via doggy door
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Randomize
