i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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