i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Randomize