I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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