My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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