Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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