At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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