i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
