I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Terrible idea I love it
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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