We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
