And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
