I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
