dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
