I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
