Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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