I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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