i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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