After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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