Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
