just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
how does that bad decision feel?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
