even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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