I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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