She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize