im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
