Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
