I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Did I show you my penis last night?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
