Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
