I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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