You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i barfeds in our rink
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
