my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Randomize
