Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Pooping to opera.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize