i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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