Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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