he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
