Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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