I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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