I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Randomize
