found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
