how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
