yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize
