i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
