if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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