Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
You're completely useless in the revolution.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
