You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Randomize
